Trust

I’ve been thinking about trust a lot lately. In the last few weeks I’ve learned that two couples I am well acquainted with are getting divorced. One couple has been married a few decades. The other couple I’ve only heard about through third parties and not from either of them. There there may have been an interloper involved and I probably know that person as well.

It has had me thinking about relationships a lot lately, the entire subject of trust and how to determine whom to trust. Trust is a bit of a slippery slope.

So today I turn on the TV and Super Soul Sessions is on the OWN network. There’s  Brene Brown talking about trust and she says that trust is built in very small moments, not big moments. It’s developed a little at a time.

She developed an acronym called braving and I encourage you to read about this acronym to understand what makes for trust:

Boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, non-judgment, and  generosity.

As usual, the Universe has been helping me figure out how I feel about trust. I’ve been thinking about it for weeks. I was heartsick about some of this divorce news and then there is the incomparable Dr.  Brene Brown staring at me from the TV screen just in the nick of time.

She has, as usual, given me a lot to think about.

She said the “vault” rocked her to the core. It rocked me to the core also. Here’s what that’s all about:

Is what I tell you sacrosanct and safe? Because if you tell me a secret that isn’t yours to tell, a secret that belongs to someone else to tell, can I trust you? Are you reliable? Can I trust that if I tell you something  secret you will keep it close to your heart and not share it out of turn?

As a lawyer I keep many secrets and sometimes it’s very difficult. It is really difficult in a small town. You know so many of the people involved in these dramas and you smile at them and say “Hi! How are you?,” all the while knowing a lot more than you care to know. There are times when I really want to tell somebody because I think I will bust, and then I think “who are they going to tell?”. But I can’t tell anyone. I have to keep it in and I do.

Yet how many times have I been told secrets by other people who said to me that they were telling me something secret but I needed to keep it quiet. Brene Brown asks, “Can I trust that person with my information, with my secret?” That’s the concept of “vault”. Locking it away and keeping it Fort Knox safe.

The past few weeks has me asking, can I trust a person who will cheat on a loving spouse? What about the third party, who in this instance I introduced to others as a lovely and good person. I feel hoodwinked. Should I? I am doubting myself because of this. I wonder if I should have seen it coming, seen behind the curtain.

I will have to keep thinking about this because I think it is very difficult topic.

If you get an opportunity, watch Brene Brown on  Super Soul Sessions  as well as her TED talks.  They will give you something to think about. I looked up Brene Brown’s talk on Super Soul Sessions (all the sessions are on the website here). You can see Dr. Brene’s talk here.

I will continue to contemplate this concept of trust.

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2 thoughts on “Trust

  1. Lovely Suzan…
    As half of the former (but who knows, maybe also the latter) couple, I encourage you to follow your instinct with trust. For me, trusting is never about the other person or what they may or may not do to cause me hurt; trust is about me and my willingness to be vulnerable. I don’t believe it is ever a mistake to be vulnerable and allow myself to love…for a couple of decades or a couple of minutes. Love only adds to my happiness.
    P.S. I’ve had many moments of trust and love with the other half of my dynamic during this holiday season…maybe even enough to reconsider.

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